Who's Right?Friend never returns borrowed things: how to say it?
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In short
Bring it up early, in private and without blame: name the item, explain why you need it and suggest a specific day to pick it up. If it keeps happening, set a simple rule, like agreeing on a return date when you lend something.
Both sides
I lent Mehdi my drill back in March, then two novels and my raclette machine. Nothing has come back, and now I either have to buy a new drill or borrow one from someone else. I don't dare say anything anymore because I feel like I'll come across as stingy. But it's not fair that I have to chase after my own things.
I never meant to keep her stuff, I'm just scatterbrained. Camille told me "take it, no rush", so I lost track of time. If she had asked for the drill, I would have brought it back that same day. I wish she had talked to me instead of me hearing about it from a mutual friend.
The verdict
Camille is right on the main point: when you borrow something, it's on you to remember to give it back, without waiting for a reminder. Holding on to several items for months shows a real lack of care, even without bad intentions.
Mehdi still has a point: "no rush" is not a return date, and Camille never clearly asked for her things. Complaining to a mutual friend instead of talking to him made the situation more hurtful than it needed to be.
Most of the responsibility lies with the person who forgets to return things, but Camille's silence let the problem grow.
The compromise
Tomorrow, Camille sends Mehdi a simple message listing the items and suggests a time to pick them up. For future loans, they agree on a return date as soon as something changes hands.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
How do I ask a friend to return something without offending them?
Keep it factual and light: "Do you still have my drill? I need it on Saturday, can I come by and grab it?" A concrete reason and a date make the request feel natural, not like an accusation.
Is it petty to ask for something I lent?
No. A loan is not a gift, and getting back what belongs to you is completely normal. It's usually the silence that damages a friendship, not the request.
What if my friend still doesn't return it after several reminders?
Offer to come and get it yourself at a set time, which makes it easier for them. If nothing changes, stop lending to them and calmly explain why.
How can I stop this from happening again?
Agree on a return date when you lend something and keep a quick note on your phone of what you lent. For things you really care about, you can also simply choose not to lend them.
What if the item was lost or damaged?
The fairest thing is for your friend to offer to replace it or help pay for the repair. Talk about it openly, looking for a solution rather than someone to blame.
Guide Disputes between friends: the guide
Written with the help of AI · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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