Who's Right?Brother never pays back money you lent: what to do?
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In short
Talk to him directly and calmly, with a clear amount and date, instead of letting resentment build up. Suggest a small, realistic monthly repayment, and don't lend again until the debt is settled.
Both sides
In March I lent Yanis €300 to fix his car, then another €150 in June for his rent. Both times he said, "I'll pay you back at the end of the month." Six months later I've seen nothing, and he still went away to the seaside this summer. I'm not well off either. What hurts isn't so much the money as the feeling that he doesn't care.
I haven't forgotten, money is just really tight right now. Inès earns more than I do, and I thought between brother and sister it wasn't that urgent. She's never actually asked me straight out, she just drops hints in front of our parents, and that makes me uncomfortable. The seaside weekend was at a friend's place, it cost me almost nothing.
The verdict
Inès is right on the main point: Yanis set a repayment date himself, twice, and missed it without offering anything else. A loan is still a loan, even in a family. Earning more doesn't turn the money into a gift.
Yanis does have a few fair points. His money troubles seem real, and Inès never made a clear request. Hints in front of the parents embarrass more than they solve, and they make the other person dig in.
The real problem is the silence on both sides. Yanis should have warned her he couldn't pay on time, and Inès would have done better to ask openly, one to one.
The compromise
Inès and Yanis meet alone and agree on €50 a month, paid on Yanis's payday, confirmed in a simple text message. Until it's paid off, Inès doesn't lend any more, and she stops the comments in front of the family.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
How do I ask my brother for money back without a fight?
Pick a calm moment, just the two of you, and stick to facts: the amount and the date he promised. Ask what he can repay each month rather than demanding it all at once.
Should I involve our parents?
Better not at first: bringing the family in puts your brother on the defensive and creates sides. Keep it as a last resort if talking directly really hasn't worked.
Should a family loan be put in writing?
For a large amount, a written note with the sum and how it will be repaid avoids a lot of misunderstandings. In France, check service-public.gouv.fr for the exact rules before lending.
What if he never pays it back?
Decide what the relationship is worth to you: some people choose to write the money off to protect the bond. Either way, stop lending and say so clearly, without holding a grudge in public.
Is it OK to keep lending to someone who hasn't paid back?
It's not a good idea until the first debt is settled. If you want to help, only give what you're ready never to see again.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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