Who's Right?Sister never helps with our aging parents: is it unfair?
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In short
Yes, it's unfair when one sibling carries almost all the load, even if the other lives far away. But fairness doesn't mean doing the same thing: each should contribute according to their means, through time, money or organization.
Both sides
I live fifteen minutes from our parents, so I end up doing everything. Doctor's appointments, groceries, paperwork, the calls when Mum has a fall. My sister phones now and then and seems to think that's enough. I'm exhausted and I feel like I'm the only one who feels responsible.
I live in Lyon, four hours away by car, with three kids and a demanding job. I can't just drop by our parents' place like Leïla does. When I visit during the holidays, I do what I can. And honestly, she's never clearly asked me to do anything, she just blames me for not being there.
The verdict
Leïla is right on the main point: handling the day-to-day care of elderly parents alone is heavy, and the imbalance is real. Sarah's distance explains why she can't do the shopping or go to appointments, but it doesn't explain doing almost nothing. Plenty of tasks can be handled remotely: paperwork, calls to doctors, looking into support options, organizing schedules.
Sarah makes a fair point too: you can't respond to a request that was never made. Letting resentment build up in silence and then lashing out rarely leads to real change.
Fairness between siblings doesn't mean equal hours. It means a shared load, adapted to each person's situation and openly discussed.
The compromise
The two sisters list every task related to their parents and split them in writing. Sarah takes over everything that can be done remotely (paperwork, booking appointments, phone calls) and comes to take over from Leïla for at least one week during some school holidays so she can rest.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
How do I ask my brother or sister to help more?
Stick to specific facts rather than blame: list what you do and suggest concrete tasks. A clear request works far better than "you never do anything".
What can a sibling who lives far away do for aging parents?
They can handle paperwork, book appointments, call regularly and look into available support. They can also step in during holidays to give the main caregiver a break, or help cover costs.
Does the law require children to help their parents?
In France, there is a maintenance obligation (obligation alimentaire) from children toward parents in need, but it mainly concerns financial support, not visits or care. To find out what applies to your situation, check service-public.gouv.fr or ask a professional.
How can I avoid burnout as the only caregiver?
Accept help, even for small things, and plan regular time off. Your parents' family doctor or the local town hall can point you toward home help or respite options.
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Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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