Who's Right?Who should do the dishes in a couple?
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In short
There's no fixed rule: the dishes should be part of a fair overall split of chores that you agree on together. One simple principle works for many couples: whoever cooks doesn't wash up.
Both sides
I make dinner almost every night, often straight after work. When we've finished eating, I just want to sit down. It seems fair that whoever didn't cook does the dishes. But in our flat, they sit in the sink until the next day, and I usually end up doing them myself.
I don't cook much, that's true, but I do all the grocery shopping, the laundry and I take the bins out. It feels like none of that counts when we talk about the dishes. In the evening I'm exhausted, so I'd rather do them in the morning when it's quiet. To me, what matters is that they get done, not when.
The verdict
Yasmine has the stronger point: cooking almost every night is real work, and "whoever cooks doesn't wash up" is a fair rule that's easy to follow. When the dishes wait until the next day and she ends up doing them herself, the split simply isn't working.
Julien also makes a solid argument: shopping, laundry and bins are real chores, and they should count in the balance. The problem isn't what he does, it's that nothing was ever agreed together, neither who does what nor when.
What tips the scale: a chore that "waits" weighs on the other person. If morning dishes mean Yasmine cooks next to a full sink or gives in and does them, Julien's flexibility becomes her burden.
The compromise
Tonight, list every chore of the week together and split them in writing. Keep the "whoever cooks doesn't wash up" rule, and set a clear limit: dishes are done before bed, or at the latest before the next meal.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
Should the person who cooks also do the dishes?
It isn't required, but many couples choose the opposite: the cook rests while the other washes up. It's simple, clear and both people contribute to the meal.
What if one of us hates doing the dishes?
Swap it for another chore of similar weight, like cleaning the bathroom or doing the shopping. The goal isn't for everyone to do everything, but for the total effort to be balanced.
Does loading and emptying the dishwasher count as doing the dishes?
Yes, along with everything around it: clearing the table, washing what can't go in the machine and wiping the counter. Agree on what "doing the dishes" means in your home.
Is it okay to leave the dishes until the next day?
Yes, if you both agree and it doesn't bother either of you. If one person ends up cooking next to a full sink or doing it all, it's time to set a limit.
How do we stop arguing about the dishes?
Decide once and for all who does what, then check in every month to adjust. A written rule saves you from renegotiating every evening.
Guide Couple disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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