Who's Right?Baby crying at night: who should get up?
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In short
Nobody should carry it all alone: night wake-ups are a shared job, taking into account breastfeeding, work and how tired each parent is. The best approach is a clear plan you agree on together, during the day.
Both sides
Our son is four months old and I'm breastfeeding, so of course I get up for feeds. But Julien has stopped getting up at all, even when the baby is crying for some other reason than hunger. I work all day too: looking after a baby nonstop is not rest. I'm not asking him to feed the baby, just to do his share.
I'm on the road at 6:30 every morning, and driving tired is dangerous. Since Nadia is breastfeeding, she can settle the baby fastest, so it seemed logical. I'm not saying her days are easy, I know she's exhausted. But if we're both wrecked, who brings in the money and does the shopping?
The verdict
Nadia is more in the right. Caring for a young baby all day is real work, and breastfeeding doesn't mean every wake-up should fall to her. Many night-time cries aren't about hunger: a nappy, a cuddle, some burping. Julien can easily handle those.
Julien's point still has weight. Driving on too little sleep is a real risk, and wanting to protect some nights before a demanding day is fair. The problem is letting it become an unspoken rule instead of talking it through.
The real question isn't who should get up, but how each of you gets enough sleep. That means an explicit split that respects breastfeeding without leaving one person to absorb all the exhaustion.
The compromise
On weekdays, Julien handles every wake-up that isn't a feed, and brings the baby to Nadia when he's hungry, then settles him back down. At weekends, he gets up with the baby in the morning so Nadia can catch up on several hours of unbroken sleep.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
Should the parent who works the next day be excused from night duty?
Not entirely. Looking after a baby during the day is exhausting too. You can lighten their nights before a demanding day, as long as they make up for it at another time, such as the weekend.
How can I help at night if my partner is breastfeeding?
Change the nappy, bring the baby over, burp him and settle him back down. That way the breastfeeding parent can get back to sleep faster.
Is it better to alternate nights or split the night into shifts?
Both work. Shifts, for example 10 pm to 2 am and 2 am to 6 am, give each parent a solid block of sleep. What matters is a clear rule you both agreed on.
What if lack of sleep is becoming too much?
Talk to your doctor or your local child health service (PMI), and ask family or friends to take over for a night or a nap. Parental exhaustion is common and deserves to be taken seriously.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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