Who's Right?Christmas at my parents' or yours: how to choose?
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In short
The fairest approach is usually to alternate each year and decide together in the autumn, not in December. An exception can make sense for a rare event, as long as you talk about it openly and make it up to the other family.
Both sides
We've been together four years and we've always taken turns. Last year we went to Claire's parents in Brittany, so this year it's my parents' turn, in Lyon. My grandmother is 89 and my mum has been counting on us for months. If we drop the rule every time one side has a good reason, the rule stops meaning anything.
I'm fine with taking turns, normally. But my sister just had her first baby, and it's his first Christmas: that only happens once. My parents asked us back in the summer. And we see Yanis's parents more often during the year, while I barely see mine except at Christmas.
The verdict
Yanis has the stronger argument: taking turns is a clear rule the couple chose and stuck to for four years. That's exactly what stops the same fight from coming back every December. And his grandmother's age matters too: every Christmas with her counts.
Claire still has a point. A baby's first Christmas is a rare moment, and seeing her parents so rarely is a fair consideration. A rule can have exceptions, but an exception is something you agree on, not something you impose.
The real weak spot, on both sides, is letting each family make requests before the two of them had talked it through. Here the rule wins, but Claire deserves a real make-up visit.
The compromise
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day happen at Yanis's parents, as the turn-taking rule says. The couple then spends December 27 to 30 with Claire's parents and celebrates the baby's first Christmas with a second festive meal. And they write down the plan for the next three years right now.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
Do we have to alternate Christmas between our families?
No, it's not a must, but it's the simplest and fairest option for many couples. What matters is agreeing on a rule together and sticking to it.
Can we do Christmas with both families in the same year?
Yes, if they live close enough: Christmas Eve with one side, Christmas lunch with the other. If they're far apart, a second celebration a few days later beats spending Christmas on the road.
How do I tell my parents we won't be there for Christmas?
As early as possible, together if you can, and with another date to see them. Saying "we'll come on the 28th" lands much better than a plain "we're not coming".
What about hosting Christmas at our place?
It's a good option when both families insist, or once the couple has kids. Inviting everyone over, or spending every third Christmas just the two of you, can also ease the tension.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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