Who's Right?Grandparents spoiling the kids: should you step in?
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In short
Yes, but gently: parents set the rules, and a few clear limits on sugar, screens and gifts are worth raising calmly. There is no need to control everything, though, because a little spoiling at grandma's is part of the bond.
Both sides
My mother-in-law looks after Léo and Nour every Wednesday, and I'm really grateful. But every time, they come home with a new toy, full of sweets and after hours of cartoons. In the evening, Léo won't eat his dinner and throws a fit when I say no to the tablet. I feel like my rules don't count anymore. I just want us to be on the same page.
I adore my grandchildren and I only see them once a week. At my place it's a bit of a party, just like it was at my own grandmother's. I'm not doing anything harmful: a few sweets, a small present, a cartoon. The parents have the whole week for the serious stuff. It hurts to be criticised for making them happy.
The verdict
Inès has the stronger case: parents set the framework, and when the treats have visible effects at home, like skipped dinners and screen tantrums, it's fair to ask for some changes. Looking after the kids every week means being part of their routine, not just their special occasions.
Françoise still makes a real point: grandparents' homes have always offered a bit of freedom, and that's precious for children. Demanding that everything work exactly as it does at home would go too far, and could hurt someone who is doing the family a favour.
The goal isn't to ban treats, but to agree on two or three limits that really matter. Tone makes all the difference: say thank you first, then ask.
The compromise
Inès and Françoise pick three non-negotiable rules together, for example no screens after 5 pm, one sweet treat only and no present at every visit. For everything else, at grandma's house, grandma decides.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
How do I tell grandparents they spoil the kids too much?
Start by thanking them for their help, then talk about the concrete effects you notice rather than criticising. Suggest a few clear rules and ask for their opinion.
Is it a problem if the rules are different at the grandparents'?
Not necessarily: children understand that rules can change from one place to another. The real issue is when grandparents contradict the parents in front of the child.
Who should talk to the grandparents: the parent or their partner?
It's often easier when their own son or daughter raises it, as the message lands better. Ideally, the couple should agree before the conversation.
What if the grandparents ignore the rules we asked for?
Bring it up again calmly and explain why it matters to you. If nothing changes, you can reduce the time they look after the kids alone, explaining it without making it feel like a punishment.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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