Who's Right?Should you make a child visit their grandparents?
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In short
You can ask a child to see their grandparents regularly, as long as you adapt the length and the activities so they feel part of it. If they show discomfort or fear, listen first and find out why before insisting.
Both sides
My parents are over 75 and they adore Noé. One lunch a month isn't asking much. At 12, he doesn't realise this time won't come back. If we let him choose, he'll never go again, and one day he'll regret it.
I don't want Noé to see his grandparents as a chore. On Sundays he sits at the table for three hours while the adults talk among themselves. When we force him, he sulks and nobody has a good time. I'd rather he went because he wants to.
The verdict
Karim is right on the core point: the bond with elderly grandparents is built now, and a 12-year-old can't yet grasp what he might lose. Dropping the visits at the first complaint would let that bond slowly fade.
But Élodie has spotted the real problem: it's not the visit itself, it's the format. Three hours of adult conversation is a long time at that age. Forcing the same routine without changing anything creates exactly the resentment Karim wants to avoid.
So the balance tips slightly towards Élodie: keep the visits, but reshape them so Noé has a real place in them. And if his refusal ever hides genuine unease, don't force it, listen.
The compromise
The monthly lunch stays a family fixture, but Noé can leave after dessert or take a break on his own. At each visit, he suggests something to do with his grandparents: a card game, a recipe, a walk.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
At what age should a child get to decide?
There's no set age. As children grow, they can negotiate how often or how long they visit, without necessarily questioning the relationship itself.
What if my child flatly refuses to go?
Calmly ask why, without judging. Boredom can be fixed by changing the plan, but a hurtful remark, unease or fear should be taken seriously before you insist.
How can I make visits less boring for a child?
Keep them shorter and plan a shared activity: a game, cooking, DIY, old family photos. Bringing a cousin along or asking grandparents to talk about their childhood also helps a lot.
What if the grandparents feel hurt when the child visits less?
Explain that it isn't personal and suggest other formats: a video call, a one-on-one outing, shorter but more frequent visits. A living bond matters more than the number of Sundays.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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