Who's Right?Can you stay in touch with your ex when in a relationship?
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In short
Yes, staying in touch with an ex is possible and common, as long as it's open and your current relationship comes first. If the friendship creates secrecy or lasting discomfort for your partner, talk about it and agree on limits together.
Both sides
Léa and I were together for five years, and we split on good terms a long time ago. Today she's a friend, nothing more. We text now and then, and we had lunch last month. I didn't mention it because, to me, it just wasn't a big deal. I don't see why I should cut off someone who matters to me.
I've never asked Samir to stop talking to Léa. What hurts is finding out about that lunch by chance, two weeks later. There are also the late-night texts he reads with a smile and never mentions. I just don't want to feel shut out of part of his life.
The verdict
Samir is right on the main point: staying friends with an ex, when the relationship is truly over, isn't suspicious. Plenty of couples are fine with it, and nobody can be asked to erase their past.
But Claire makes an important point: the issue isn't Léa, it's the silence. Not mentioning a lunch with an ex means your partner finds out alone, and that damages trust. What feels harmless to one person may not feel that way to the other.
Claire, for her part, isn't asking him to end the friendship, which is fair. She'd do well to say exactly what bothers her instead of letting the unease build up.
The compromise
Samir casually mentions when he talks to or sees Léa, without giving a full report. Late-night texts can wait until the next day, and Claire is welcome to meet Léa if she'd like to.
Who do you think is right?
Pick a side.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel jealous of your partner's ex?
Yes, it's a common reaction, especially early in a relationship. The most helpful thing is to say exactly what worries you rather than banning contact or checking up on them.
Can you ask your partner to cut off their ex?
You can say it makes you uncomfortable, but demanding a total break rarely works, unless the ex is intrusive or there was cheating. Setting clear limits together usually works better.
What are the signs that contact with an ex is a problem?
Secrecy, hidden or deleted messages, sharing intimate things you no longer share with your partner, or an ex who criticises your current relationship. In those cases, it's time for an honest talk.
What if you have children with your ex?
Then contact is necessary to look after the children. A new partner needs to accept that, and it helps when conversations stay focused on family arrangements.
Guide Couple disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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