Who's Right?Who pays for a parent's care home in France?
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In short
In France, the parent pays first, out of their own resources. If that isn't enough, their children (and sometimes sons- or daughters-in-law) must help according to their means, and the département can cover the rest through housing aid (ASH).
Both sides
Mum's care home costs 800 euros a month more than she can pay. I earn 1,700 euros a month, and Karim earns almost twice that. If we split it down the middle, I'll be in the red every single month. And I'm the one who visits her every day and handles her laundry and doctor's appointments. It seems fair that we pay based on what we earn, and that my time counts for something.
Yes, I earn more than Sophie. But I have three kids and a 20-year mortgage, so at the end of the month I'm not left with much more than she is. Splitting it 50/50 is simple and stops us counting every euro. I'm really grateful she visits so often, but I can't pay her for that.
The verdict
In principle, Sophie is right. The law doesn't ask children to pay equal shares. It asks them to pay according to their means. So splitting the cost by what each person can afford fits the spirit of the rule better than an automatic 50/50.
But Karim makes a fair point: your means aren't just your salary. His three children and his mortgage count too, and a judge would take them into account. Working it out on salary alone would be unfair to him.
Sophie's visits really matter, but the law doesn't turn them into money. They're a good reason to adjust a family deal, not a legal right. And before splitting anything, they should check their mother's own resources and apply for the help she's entitled to.
The compromise
First, apply together for housing aid (ASH) from the département. Then each of you lists your income and fixed costs, and you split what's left to pay based on what each of you has left to live on. In return for Sophie's visits, Karim handles all the paperwork from a distance.
What the rules say
Under the maintenance obligation (obligation alimentaire), children must help a parent or parent-in-law who can no longer cover their basic needs (housing, food, care, everyday costs). The law sets no scale: those who owe support are expected to agree among themselves first. If they can't, the family court judge (juge aux affaires familiales) sets the amount based on the parent's needs and each person's resources, usually as a monthly payment. The judge can release a child whose income is too low or whose costs are too high, or whose parent seriously failed in their duties toward them. A child whose parent lost parental authority is automatically released, unless the ruling says otherwise.
If the parent can't pay for their accommodation (care home, residence, long-term care unit), they can apply for housing aid (ASH). It covers the gap between the fees and what the older person and those who owe them support (children, sons- and daughters-in-law) can pay. Grandchildren are exempt when the ASH application is for a grandparent. The amount also depends on each département's social aid rules. The département can recover ASH, both during the person's lifetime and after their death, from what they leave to their heirs.
Sources:
- Est-on obligé d'aider ses parents qui sont dans le besoin ? (justice.fr)
- Aide sociale à l'hébergement (ASH) d'une personne âgée (justice.fr)
- Comment la participation des obligés alimentaires est-elle calculée ? (pour-les-personnes-agees.gouv.fr)
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General information, not legal advice.
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Frequently asked questions
Do grandchildren have to pay for a grandparent's care home?
No, not when housing aid (ASH) is requested for a grandparent. In that case, grandchildren are exempt from the maintenance obligation.
Can I refuse to pay if my parent abused or abandoned me?
Yes, it's possible. The family court judge can fully or partly release a child whose parent seriously failed in their duties toward them. If the parent lost parental authority, the child is automatically released, unless the ruling says otherwise.
My brother refuses to contribute. What can I do?
Try to reach an agreement first. If that fails, the family court judge can set each person's share based on their income and costs. There is no fixed scale.
Can I deduct what I pay for my parent's care home from my taxes?
Yes. If you contribute to your parent's care home fees under the maintenance obligation, you can deduct those payments as maintenance (pension alimentaire) on your tax return.
Can the département take the aid back from the inheritance?
Yes. Housing aid (ASH) can be recovered by the département, notably after death, from what the older person leaves to their heirs once their debts are paid.
Guide Family disputes: the guide
Written with the help of AI, reviewed by the Who's Right team · This is not legal advice. How Who's Right decides
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